My heart is growing weary of caring and trying so much while getting back so little.

It doesn’t want much, just to feel wanted.

I should never expect someone to care about me as much as I care about them. Ever.

How do you miss her with me by your side?
It’s hard for me to grasp, because with you, any hint of someone past disappears from my mind.
How can you miss her after seven months of us?
Maybe I’m just not enough.

I’ve needed you.

You’ve been distant.

It hurts.

It’s one of those night where I feel alone no matter whom I talk to. It’s horrible and twisted and honestly makes no sense to me, but it’s how I feel.

My heart hurts and I want nothing more for it to stop hurting. 

No matter who I talk to the loneliness wont go away and that scares me. 

I feel empty.

Not having control of my emotions is the worst thing…

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Just leave her alone please. Please. God dammit. If you really loved her you’d let her be happy and not suck the happiness out of her life when things start getting better. You’re breaking her heart and mine and it’s sick and twisted and I hate you.

I hate the cryptic way your sentences swirl together when you’re under the influence. They fall out of your mouth and into some language foreign to me: one made up of one-word-replies and half-hearted answers. Like your mind - and maybe your heart is lost in the haze. 

Now, not to say I don’t enjoy the silly joke and light conversations: It’s the haziness, the sense that you aren’t all there that bothers me. It’s the moments where I catch you staring of in space, or just breathing on the phone, the moments when you reply carelessly to things I’ve said that bother me. They make me wonder if the haze has taken the part of you that loves me with it, taken it and let it float off into the wind somewhere until your head is clear. Its those moments that scare me, paralyze me. 

I think ‘What if it never comes back?’

I think ‘What if it was never there in the first place?’

I think ‘What if I’m just making myself crazy.’

Truthfully, I never know what to think.

(Source: wordspagesink)

It hits me out if no where, I’ll be fine and then suddenly: tears. I’m much too empathetic of people’s emotions, when someone I care about is upset, I can sense it so strongly it hurts. Sometimes I see it as a strength, but mostly it rears it’s it’s ugly head as a weakness. Not only does it tear me apart, but it keeps me from adequately helping the one hurting. I don’t think I can describe how strongly I want those around me to be happy, and how horrible it is to feel their pain and not being able to reach out and fix it. Sometimes my feelings keep me from pin-pointing the route of the problem, they make me brash and slightly crazy at times. Another time that feelings turn into such a weakness is when it appears someone is angry at me, I have the strongest aversion to confrontation to the point that the slightest raise of the voice can make me cower, and yelling brings tears to my eyes instantly. I need to learn how to curb my feeling into something positive.. Hmm.

(Source: wordspagesink)